I have a hard time writing when I’m depressed. And it looks like I’m going to continue being depressed until I get work. But if I stay depressed, then how am I going to get work? People don’t like hiring depressed employees.

In case you didn’t know, I’m unemployed right now. That means that I have a lot of free time on my hands. I usually spend my days holstered in my apartment reading, making jewelry or watching movies on my iBook. Sometimes I write, take the dog out for walks to the waterfront or get up early in the morning and go to my P-Patch to weed. The weeks since I’ve graduated have blurred into one very long, hellish vacation full of mediocrity.

If I had known that I was going to be unemployed this long— as in “not even able to get hired in retail”— then I would have planned some daring cross-country trip using only $1,000 to survive. I would have written about it on this website and garnered international notoriety and a book contract. Who needs a job when you get a book contract? After all, writers are paid so well.

Because I have two interviews coming up, it’s time for something more positive. I have this incessent paranoia that every time I send people a link to my portoflio page, they somehow find their way here and magically read every negative entry on this blog. And then, because they read all of the negative stuff, they think I’ll be a horrible employee and never contact me for an interview. That, my friends, is why I have only had one interview in three months. An interview for an internship I never applied to. An interview for an internship I was “too qaulified for”. “Too qualified” most likely translating to: “I read your blog and you scare me. I don’t want you to stalk me because of this rejection, so I’ll say something nice about you and tell you to call back in three months when I’m pretty sure some poor fool will have already hired you.”

So, now I’m at the positive part. The only problem is I can’t think of anything overtly positive to write. I’ve put the pressure on myself to write something so positive, it will counteract every negative thought I’ve ever had (including the doubly negative thoughts about all of my neighbors since I’ve been writing this blog) and make the next person who reads this want to hire me instantly.

The only thing I can think to do is to exploit my dog and post a really cute, saccharine picture of her. Maybe I’ll add a caption that reads: “My beautiful master is so awesome, she saved me from her evil father and has suffered a number of horrible living conditions because of me. She also paid for vet bills that cost over $2,000 during one summer while only working part-time, taking classes full-time, and paying double the rent because her roommate/boyfriend skipped town to save money by living at his parents’ house. For the entire summer, her only form of nutrition was pasta and beans and she lost over 20 pounds from malnourishment just so I could to go to the vet a lot and eat really expensive dog food. My master is that great. Don’t you want to hire her right now?”

Like I said, this post is about being positive because of the two job interviews I have. Positive. That’s right, everything you just read or saw is positive.

Bright. Happy. Positive. Smiliey faces everywhere!